Strategies for Keeping Resolutions

By JAINE CARTER and JAMES D. CARTER Scripps Howard News Service

It's a positive sign that so many of us continue to make New Year's resolutions. We sincerely believe that we can do better during the coming year. Coming up with a resolution is the easy part. People pledge to lose weight, do better at work, be kinder to their aging parents, listen more, talk less, volunteer time to a local charity, and do a better job of balancing work and family.

Noble intentions, but as we all know, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Alas, all those noble New Year's resolutions slide into the gutter when real life splashes on a significant stress.

Why do we give up? Well, for one thing, we give up because noble intentions are just that. They are "intentions" not commitments. Another reason resolutions fail is why people make them in the first place.

Anthony Robbins, author of "Personal Power," says promises are empty until you take action. You have to walk the walk, instead of just talking the talk. Okay, but disciplining yourself is hard work. Where is the fun in that?

The fun is in discovering that you do have will power. Instead of resigning yourself to a lifetime of empty promises and self-recrimination, you can get a grip by polishing your attitude about positive change.

If you really want to take control or your life, there are a plenty of self-help books available written by credible thinkers. Author Michael Ryce, "Why Is This Happening To Me . . .Again," details strategies for shaking yourself out of stagnation.

Ryce suggests that you start with what you can control - yourself.

"Your brain can only see and grasp a reality that is already in your brain cell structure. If you want to change what is already in there, you have to patiently build brain cells to change an unwanted behavior," says Ryce.

Marla and Ivan wanted to stop smoking. They were able to resist those first few cravings, but they had no substitute behavior to use instead of smoking. They could have, for example, agreed that every time they wanted a cigarette, they would take a walk around the block. This alternative action would have served a variety of objectives. Walking would have gotten them out of the house, where the dancing cigarettes did their ballet. They would have been spending time together, with the added bonus of enhancing their health and well being through weight bearing exercise. Positive alternatives.

They rationalize their attempts to quit smoking because they prefer to blame something outside themselves. Ivan says, "I can't stop until Marla's stops. Every time she lights up, I get a craving." Marla say she can't stop because, "I've just been promoted and am under a lot of stress right now."

The bottom line is that neither of them is sufficiently motivated to give up a habit they agree is destructive.

Blaming others is a cop out. It prevents you from having to take responsibility for your actions. Blaming others is another way of saying, "I don't control me. Others do."

All of the events you have ever experienced have one common denominator. You were present. In Ivan's case, he was married to a different woman the last time he tried to give up smoking. Whose fault was it then?

Stay focused. Sometimes it helps to talk to yourself before and during an attempt to change: "This time I will hold my own. I will smile sweetly and refuse the mashed potatoes." Or, "The next time Marla's lights up, I will give her a hug and calmly explain that I need to go for a walk."

Do not overload yourself. Work on one behavioral change at a time. Do not try to go on a diet and give up smoking at the same time.