Garage Editorial: Hipster Christmas Music

Santa Claus Listening to Music (Getty Images)
Santa Claus Listening to Music (Getty Images)
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Updated: 12/22/2011 3:37 pm
By: Rudy Villarreal, San Antonio music hipster

I can't stand Christmas music.

Well, that isn't entirely true, but I have this utter detest for holiday Pop standards. If you have ever had to hold any position in the food/hospitality industry as much as I have, you probably know exactly what I am talking about. Seriously, every time I hear Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You," I am overwhelmed with emotional rage! I become so irate, that it makes me want to enroll in college, pursue a degree in science, graduate, dedicate my life's work to constructing the world's first artificially intelligent robot, teach it the most basic of human emotions...and then beat it to death. And when it looks up at me with with this utter shock in it's eyes and asks me "why", all I will say is one word: "Mariah."

Moving along...

The point I am trying to get across is that holiday tunes suck and there should be no reason why customers should be constantly subjected to this regurgitated crap.

Editor’s Notes: 1. Bots is on injured reserve this week. Reports are that he was burned trying to put out a flaming guitar. So we bring you this editorial in its stead. 2. Rudy wanted to title this “CHRISTMAS, Y U NO HAVE GOOD MUSIC?”
Don't get me wrong, I understand the social relevance that some of these songs hold. As mentioned before, there are some pieces of Christmas-themed that I hold very dear to my heart; Vince Guaraldi's compositions for or "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" (only the version sung by Judy Garland; Perry Como can go to Hades). These songs are seminal works of art and will forever stand the test of time, however, I can't stand the fact that Pop artist feels obligated to put out a holiday-inspired album every year (Justin Bieber, I want to Judo chop you in the larynx).

That being said, I have opted for a more therapeutic approach for dealing with the holiday season, at least when it comes to music. Recently for me, my Christmases are not soundtracked by the conventional pieces that litter every U.S. mall, but rather by Indie-folk artists such as Bon Iver, Fleet Foxes, and PJ Harvey.

Yes, I understand that these selections make me sound like a pretentious hipster, but in my opinion, these artists - and others similar in genre - provide a sound that is both soothing for the listener and complimentary to the season. When it is cold outside and I am driving to a particular destination, I prefer to listen to music that mirrors the bleakness of these cold San Antonio evenings (yeah, I know, 45 degrees is nothing compared to other places, but SHUT UP). So, by default, I am going to listen to Grizzly Bear's "Yellow House" over 101.9 FM.

Why? Because Christmas music is too upbeat and optimistic at times. I know that this is the season to be jolly (oh, don't get me started on how jolly I am because it is too much for you to handle). I just would rather listen to music that paints the characteristics of winter in a more specific fashion. Take the line from Bon Iver's "Minnesota, WI:" "Amorur let it through/borne the arboretic truth you kept posing."Granted, Mr. Vernon's lyrical wordplay tends to be quite perplexing at times, but when you couple his vocal presentation (you know, all 200 harmonies and all) with the intricacies of his backing ensemble, I can't imagine a more befitting song for this holiday season.

There are a ton of these little gems that are littered within the works of these said artists and, for me, they do Christmas justice better than any song by Susan Boyle or Josh "wherethehellishenow" Groban.

Sorry Buble, I don't have any time for you right now, I am busy getting down on this new Wye Oak record.

For your considerations, here is a list of  songs from various indie-folk artists that I may recommend taking a listen to during this Winter season:

1.    Fleet Foxes – “Blue Ridge Mountains”
2.    Joanna Newsom - “'81”
3.    Bon Iver - “Holocene”
4.    Wye Oak - “We Were Wealth”
5.    Neutral Milk Hotel - “In the Aeroplane Over the Sea”
6.    Beirut - “Elephant Gun”
7.    Ummmmm......

Okay, so I ran out of indie-folk bands because my brain decided to pass out on me, so here are a few other honorable mentions that are fairly disparate in genres, but still just as complimentary to the season:

1.    Beach House - “Zebra”
2.    My Morning Jacket - “Dondante”
3.    James Blake - “Measurements”
4.    Wilco - “Hell is Chrome”
5.    Grizzly Bear - “Ready, Able”

You can listen to all these songs via one YouTube playlist. Click here...
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