I made a mistake earlier this week that I have never made before -- a clear violation of grocery store etiquette that will probably make me public enemy number one in the eyes of checkers and hurried shoppers everywhere.
I tried to go through the express lane checkout with too many items.
I mean it wasn't even close. Most supermarket express lanes allow you to have 10 or 20 items tops, and I easily had 40 or more. I plead guilty.
It was an honest mistake, though. I was in a hurry, and didn't see the express lane sign, which is a little hard to see at the store where I shop. Plus, it has a confusing checkout area. There are two rows of registers and it can be hard to tell which line is for which cashier at first glance.
But enough excuses... I was guilty of trying to transport excessive merchandise through a restricted area... and was caught red handed.
I have always respected the limit on express lane items. The only time I have ever tried to go through with more than the maximum number of products is when the checkout manager, (you know, the really polite store employee who stands in front of the line of registers and asks, "Are you ready to check out, sir?" and then directs you to the checker with the shortest line?), tells me to go ahead and wheel my cart full of groceries into the express lane because there are no other customers using it.
But store managers have the authority to temporarily lift the 10 or 20 item limit. A power given to them by the U.S. Congress, I think.
My accidental use of the express lane the other day was not sanctioned by any such supermarket official, and therefore, clearly illegal.
Although there were no law-abiding shoppers in line behind me, the checker came down hard.
Right from the get-go he says, "You have too many items", with a scowl on his face that made me feel like I had just been caught parking in a disabled space.
When I explained I hadn't seen the express lane sign, he pointed to it, as if to illustrate that I must be either a complete idiot to have missed it, or a brazen trouble maker with an arrogant disregard for grocery store directives.
I apologized, because, no doubt about it, I was in the wrong, and I offered to move to one of the regular, "snail lane" checkouts. I wasn't going to give the guy any lip because I believe when you are in the grocery store, the person with the badge is in charge, and I do what they say. It is like cops at a crime scene. You do what they tell you, or you're likely to end up handcuffed in a little room with a one-way mirror.
But the checker shook his head and let out a sigh, as if I had just asked him if I could borrow $100, and told me, "Forget it, you've already piled everything on the conveyor belt", and he started to scan my items.
Yep... he almost let me skate. But then, I told him I had brought my own, environmentally-friendly, dingy, canvas bags to hold my groceries. That pushed him over the edge.
He rolled his eyes, let out another huge sigh, and stared at me as if to say, "that's the last straw."
At that I meekly took my far too numerous items off the conveyor, loaded them back in the cart, and sheepishly slinked off to a "slow lane" checkout, with the other sloth-like shoppers, their carts loaded down like the jalopy in Beverly Hillbillies.
I didn't complain, or mention the incident to anyone else. The outcome seemed just, even though I was surprised at how surly the checker was about the whole thing.
Then, a few minutes later, when I was almost done checking out, a manager appeared out of nowhere and asked me why I had changed lanes.
I was quite sure she was about to lead me back to the stockroom so a couple of burly employees could slap me around.
As the manager questioned me, I tried not to implicate the checker -- I really did. I told the manager it was my fault. I wasn't paying attention and tried to check out with too many items. And I did not say anything about how the checker treated me because I sincerely did not want anyone to get in trouble.
That is when the manager dropped a bombshell, and revealed a little known secret the supermarkets "don't want you to know." (We TV news people love to say that.)
She said I should have been allowed to checkout through the express lane regardless of how many items I had, or how many people were behind me. And furthermore, the checker is not allowed even to mention that I was over the limit and in violation.
Do you realize what this means?
The whole express checkout arrangement is a sham! No one is enforcing the 10/20 item rule! It's Don't Ask/Don't Tell! All those years of unquestioned obedience to those express lane signs was for nothing!
It's like finding out there's no such thing as a speed limit.
Well, maybe it's not THAT big a deal.
But today I plan to go back and checkout with two carts full of yogurt cartons. And when angry express lane shoppers behind me give me dirty looks, I will break the news to them.
The people need to know.
